Navigating the Silent Storm of Identity Crisis
There are moments in life when everything
we thought we were begins to crumble. The roles we’ve held, the names we’ve
worn, the spaces we once belonged to-suddenly, none of them fit. We no longer
know who we really are. And it’s in that silence that in between, that the
identity crisis begins to whisper.
Yesterday, I stumbled upon a YouTube video
of a man, likely in his 40s, who lost his entire family, wife and children in a
fatal accident. But what pierced me was not just the loss itself; it was his
struggle with the aftermath.
“I don’t know who I am anymore,” he said. “I’m not single. I’m not married. I’m not divorced. I’m not even sure I’m still a father.”
The word widowed feels foreign and uncomfortable to him, a term that seemed to cage him in a reality he didn’t want to accept. He shared how, at his church, when the pastor announces a men's or fathers’ gathering, he suddenly feels misplaced. “Where do I belong?” he asked.
Identity isn’t always a fixed title or role, it is dynamic, evolving, and, at times, painfully disrupted. According to Father Prof. Fidele Dushimimana, Developmental Psychologist and author of Kura ujya ejuru,
“The triggers of an
identity crisis are numerous and varied. It is important to take the time to
reflect and seek support in order to manage these crises and find new meaning
in life.”
We often associate identity crises with
adolescence - time of searching and rebellion, but they don’t vanish with age.
They return, sometimes more subtly, more silently.
Recently, I had a conversation with a former colleague who has worked tirelessly for over 15 years. There was no major tragedy in his life, but he quietly admitted to feeling a creeping sense of disorientation.
“I don’t want to complain,” he told me. “I know many would love the job I have.
But I look at the years, at how much I’ve learned, the skills I carry, and yet…
my life doesn’t reflect it. I’m not poor or rich. Not the smartest. Not the
most successful. I feel like I’m just… hanging. It’s a weird place of not
knowing where I stand.”
His words reflect a different kind of
identity crisis, the kind that sneaks in during routines, in the monotony of
everyday life, when our achievements begin to feel hollow and our sense of self
starts to slip through the cracks.
Not every period of questioning signals a crisis. In fact, occasional self-reflection is a healthy part of personal growth. We all experience moments when we pause to evaluate our goals, values, or direction in life. These reflective episodes are often brief and manageable. Individuals in this state can usually find clarity on their own, make decisions, and continue functioning in their daily lives without significant emotional turmoil. This kind of self-inquiry, while sometimes uncomfortable, tends to foster resilience and personal development.
However, when the questions become
constant, intrusive, and emotionally draining, it may signal a deeper identity
crisis. People in this state often feel stuck consumed by uncertainty about who
they are, where they belong, or what truly matters to them. This persistent
questioning can disrupt daily routines, lead to feelings of anxiety or
hopelessness, and make it hard to make even small decisions. These struggles
may persist over time or begin to affect one’s relationships, work, or
emotional well-being.
Father Fidele highlights that:
“It is important to
consider the duration, intensity, and impact of the symptoms to determine
whether a period of self-reflection is normal or if it requires professional
support. If individuals experience significant distress or have difficulty
functioning normally, seeking professional help may be beneficial”
Sometimes, we all hang in that in-between.
We’re no longer who we were, and not yet who we’re becoming. It can be a place
of quiet despair-but it can also be a place of awakening. The identity crisis,
as terrifying as it feels, is not a dead end. It is a deep internal call to
redefine, to heal, and to grow.
If you are navigating your own questions- about who you are, where you belong, or what your life truly means, know that your confusion is valid and that is just a phase.
It shall PASS!
A very good piece of writtings which reflects our daily lives, it is actually a sad reality but people can overcome it by focusing mostly on the little we have or we remain with, which is difficult to most of us but pretty essential. Thanks
ReplyDeleteI would really recommend anyone going through an identity crisis to remember that they are not alone. It’s a valid and deeply human experience. There are several forms of support available, such as coaching, counseling, or even simply talking to someone you trust. With the right support system, you can begin to reconnect with yourself, gain clarity, and grow through it. Healing takes time, but you don’t have to do it alone.
ReplyDelete